LIFE AFTER DEATH

Damini was about to call Kabir when the door bell rang. She was sitting alone in her drawing-room anxiously waiting for her husband. It was pretty late now though back in her mind she knew why he was getting late she only wanted to know what was happening there.

"How's Nishi?" asked Damini as she sat on the couch beside her husband.

"She is fine," said Kabir letting a sigh.

Damini did not say anything for a long time, She knew it very well that Kabir has a little troubled by the course of the events. first his sister Muskaan's untimely death then his mother's ill state of health and now his best friend Ashok's daughter's accident. everything within a time span of six months. now, this was too much he could take.

After a long silence she said "I think you need some rest. get up and freshen up first." she got up but didn't move as she noticed that Kabir didn't make any sign of moving. "Anything wrong?" inquired Damini as she looked tense.

"Nothing," replied Kabir. Then turned to look at Damini and asked her "Kids off to bed?"

"Yes."

"Something strange happened," said Kabir now looking at the glass he was holding.
"What," asked Damini arching both her brows.

"Ashok kind of thanked me."

Damini kept silent still bearing the look of inquisitiveness.

So that Kabir continued "For something which I never did."

"What do you mean by that?"

"He thanked me because Muskaan was my sister." he paused.

Then he was kind of searching for words as he could not understand how to put it in words what seemed to hurt, confuse, make him proud- all at once.

"He thanked me because as he said he could not thank her himself."

Finally, Damini could not resist her curiosity and asked: "Why he wanted to thank Muskaan."

Kabir did not reply for another few moments then said "because he thinks it was Muskaan's eyes that his daughter got.

He let out a sigh and then continued. "Actually he is not sure whether those corneas belonged to Muskaan or not but he was thanking Muskaan for her gesture. God, I never thought I would get my answer this way. He choked "remember how I castigated her when she said she has donated her eyes."

Kabir gave a jitter of unease. Damini put her hand over his shoulder to console him.

"I was being such a moron. I belittled her noble gesture. I don't know what got into my mind then."
Again turning to look at Damini he said: "Remember how she used to say that she wanted to do something for which people would always remember her."

As he said that a smile went across his lips as he slid into a reminiscence about Muskaan.

"That simple idea took so long to penetrate through my thick skin. It never made sense to me that why people are going to remember anyone for whatever they did? But obviously, she was talking about something exceptional; something that is going to touch someone's life."

He had tears in his eyes as he said "Ashok's words made me realize what she meant when she used to say that she wanted to live even after her death. Now I know. After all, this is Life After Death."

Down The Memory Lane

I was coming out of a shop when I saw him. He was parking his bike.

I don’t even remember for how long I have been waiting for this. And it did happen when I was least expecting it.

He stood there looking at me with a smile. I smiled backed as I didn't know what else to do. He came closer. He had not changed even a bit. His warming smile still melts my heart. His intense eyes still makes me stare at them; nothing had changed.

“What’s up beautiful? Remember me?” he asked me with a broad grin.

“Of course I do? How can I forget that guy who fought with me at every single opportunity he got his hands on? You were the migraine for me at school. I thought you forgot me. No messages. No calls. Nothing.”

He laughed.

“Really was that me? Who just vanished after school? You didn't even bother to talk to on the last the day when we went to collect our result,” he said that with a comical accusation tone.

“That’s not my fault. You were too busy gathering phone numbers of your next ex-girlfriends.”
He raised his eye brows and then replied.

“Oh really!  And what where you doing? You were busy chatting to your new best friend.”

“New best friend?” I repeated a little confused.

“Oh come on. Don’t pretend you don’t remember anything? I am talking about Shekhar.”

Oh Shekhar!" I said. I was amazed at the fact that he still remembers what I was doing almost half a decade ago. "I was talking to him because he was supposed to leave for Australia next day. That was the last I met him.”

“Really I thought you are still in contact,” he said teasingly.

“No. Hey listen why we are fighting in the middle of a street.”

“Don’t exaggerate we are standing on the footpath," he said in a matter of fact tone. 

We both laughed at this. I felt like I was back in school again. I felt I was alive again.

We went for walk on the bank of Ganges.  We chatted for awhile. Gradually we saw the sun set behind the other bank of the Ganges over the thick  trees. The sky went from a concoction of red,orange and pink to a strange mixture of purple and blue with a tinge of pink. While we walked through the bank I realised not only me, he also remembers everything from school. Every fight, every badminton match, every single taunt, everything.


                                                    BACK DOWN MEMORY LANE

ABANDONED

The car came to a halt. I didn't even open my eyes to see how it looks like. I was sure no matter how beautiful that place was I was never going to like it.

“Get up. We have reached”, said father, who looked at me for the first time in a fortnight.

I opened my eyes and faced him. I looked straight into his eyes. I was trying hard to find some warmth in it. There was none rather they looked strange.

“See I know you don’t want to stay here. Even I don’t want you to be here but you haven’t left me any choice. I never expected anything of this sought from you.”

I said nothing. He paused a little and then suddenly his tone changed. He spoke as if he wanted everything to be normal again. As if, like me, he wanted everything to be normal as before.

“What happened to you? You were never like this before. You were such a well behaved kid. I was always so proud of you. Contrary to that you have become so difficult to understand now." His tone was again harsh. He continued. "Thus, I don’t think I’ll be able to handle you anymore.”

I said nothing and turned my face. Though I wanted to protest I didn't. I knew it was useless. It’s almost a month I have been trying hard to convince him but he is not ready to accept it. Forget accepting it, he is not ready to listen to me.

“You are a big girl now. You should act more maturely. For god’s sake, you are 15. How many young kids like you have been seen doing stuff like yours?”

Every bit inside me was aching. His words were no less than thousands of arrows. He sounded as if he caught me consuming alcohol or drugs. I know the way I behaved with uncle was not the right. I shouldn't have shouted at him in front of so many people around. But he was continuously asking about my "mothers".

“From now behave properly and stop telling lies. See I don’t want you to get indulge in any more wrong sort of things. So please stay away from things which do not concern you.”

I remained silent. I think he was expecting me to cry or argue or make a scene. He was disappointed. I knew he is not going to change his mind, I also knew the reason behind it. So why waste his time and my energy? I just nodded and got down from the car. He brought my luggage and we went in. He completed all his formalities. And before leaving he came to talk to me.

“Stay safe,” said he.

As he said this I was searching in his eyes for the lost warmth I was trying see for such a long time.

“I don’t want any complaints from this school. They are good people they will take care of you. After all, this is the best hostel in the city.”

I was looking at the floor.

“Listen, look at me.”

I turned to face him. He looked so convincing.

“Promise me you’ll behave properly. If you promise me then I promise you I’ll take you back home forever, at the end of this session. Till then I’ll observe you through your teachers and matron. Okay?”

I was still quite. He got irritated and said.

“Oh, come on say something.”

I had many things in my mind. I wanted to say everything that came up to my mind but I ended up saying this.

“You know Papa what Mum used to say when she was alive? She said not to make promises that we won’t be able to fulfill. I know you are not going to take me home except maybe for holidays. You wanted an alibi and luckily you got it. Don’t try and make me believe things which would never happen.Bye Papa”

I walked towards the door. I stopped at the door. Looked at him and said.

“Congratulations Papa!! On your wedding.”

I saw his shocked expression and then his face drop a little. I closed the door while I left the room and headed towards my new room.

The Choice

I was asked to sit on a bench in the corridor. At end of the corridor there was a room. I was supposed to enter the room after someone came to fetch me. I was a little scared. Father told me to be calm and quiet. Mother said there was nothing to worry about. They both said everything will be fine after I answer the questions correctly. I had some vague idea what they would ask me. What I didn't know was the “correct” answer to that question.

After a long time, a lady came to me and asked me to follow her. I could see something in her eyes. Was it sympathy or pity? I don’t know. As we approached the door, I could hear some voices; one was my mother’s second my father’s, there were few other unknown voices as well. As the lady opened the door, the room felt silent. Lady gestured me to enter and I did so. I was a little relieved to see my parents. They looked at me and remained silent. They were sitting on one side of a table and one man each were standing behind them and there was a third man who was sitting on the other side of the table.

The third man asked me to come and sit on the chair near to him. I did what I was told. He then started talking to me quiet pleasantly. He said, “Hello son. I hope you know why you are here?” I nodded and he continued. “Then tell me with whom you want to be: your mother or your father?” I remained silent. He asked me again to answer. I still remained silent. He asked,” why are you silent son? You must have a choice? Whom do you love more? With whom you would like to be for the rest of your life?” I remained silent. A little irritated he said,” say something, anything? Tell me what you are thinking.”

Finally he asked something for which I had an answer. I said hesitantly,” I.....I am a little.... confused sir.” I didn't know what to say further. I swallowed before I could gather my thoughts. My class teacher in kindergarten had taught me this....This had worked when I forgot the poem I was supposed to recite in annual day function last year. I took a deep breath, gathered my words and said.  “I wonder what would be the “correct” answer to this question...Sir. On my last birthday mom and dad took me to the Zoo. There were lots of animals... elephants, giraffes, and tiger too.” All the good memories of six months ago flashed in my mind. I could speak more freely and felt happy. “And there were lots of cages and dad held me up while showing me the animals over other people’s shoulders. Mom used to hold my hand while we walked from cage to cage.”

I almost didn't notice that the man in the black coat was getting irritated at my rant. “My child”, he said sternly, “I don’t wish to hear about your last birthday, just answer my question”. I had grown in confidence a little by the memories. I told him, “Sir, please...please let me say...it’s very important to me”. I saw his face soften a bit. He curtly said, “Go on son”.

I continued with renewed vigour. “We spent the whole day together. Mom gave us the sandwiches she had packed from home. Dad said we all can have ice creams after that. I love ice-cream sir”. 

“We all do son”, this time the man was more kind.

“But I always get confused between a vanilla ice cream and chocolate ice cream. I asked Mom and dad which one I should take. They helped me out with all the cones and bars and cups and I finally chose one”. He again got a bit impatient and asked, “Drive home your point son”.

I swallowed again and said, “Sir, every time I chose my toys, my ice-cream, my dresses and even friends, I was always helped by either mom or dad”.

I paused as my voice choked, “But... But today sir... none of them told me whom to choose.....”

I Cannot Say No

“Every morning is a new beginning and comes with a new promise.” said mother while we were preparing the breakfast. “Every day you get another chance to fulfil your dreams. Knocks on your door and seeks your permission. Don’t let the opportunity go away from you.” just when she said that the call bell rang. Perfect timing I must say. “See I told you. Now run and open the door. Let see what this morning brings for us.”

I opened door only to find my neighbour cum classmate, Shalini. We had a conversation and she asked for a favour.

“Hey! What’s up? Hey I need a favour. I was In the middle of a very important conversation with my aunt from Jabalpur. You remember her right? She came last summer and we had a family get together were you met her. So the land-line hung up. I tell you this digging up the whole grounds for so called repairing of wire system is taking on my nerves. Anyway so where was I? Oh yes my aunt. So now what I need to do is finish my conversation. Otherwise you know I will have a heart attack out of suspense. So can I use your land-line? I know you would not deny me. I was asking just out of courtesy. Thanks. “

And before I could say something she was already dialling the numbers. I knew a thrashing was coming my way.

“Who’s there?” asked mother while coming out of the kitchen.

‘Maa its Shalini. She wanted to use our phone and so she is....”

“You should have at least asked me once before allowing her. You know how she is, a complete chatter box. Now she would talk about petty things as if she is discussing world economy with the Prime Minister.”

“I tried to stop her but she didn't gave me a chance to even say a word.” 

“You should have said a no.”

“What I can do, I cannot say no.”

Shalini discussed about her new fairy dress for next half an hour and mother continuously gave me that stern looks of her.

In the afternoon I went for a cycle ride. In winters with some of my friends I always like to do so at this time of the day. That day nobody turned up. Later it struck me that we decided not to come because later this evening we were supposed to attend New Year’s party organised by Central Bank of India. That’s where my father worked. Disappointed I turned my cycle towards home when I saw Subodh coming this way. I stopped to say hi (I shouldn't have done that).

“Hey Damini! Happy new year!”

“Same to you Subodh.”

“Coming for the party tonight?”

“Yes of course. That’s why returning home early. Just came for a cycle ride.”

“Lucky you. My cycle is in garage thus can’t ride mine. Huh Damini can I borrow your cycle? Just a round. Please for five minutes only.” He said with a puppy face.

“Okay.” I said with a hesitation but that was an invitation enough for him. I waited for him about 45 minutes sitting under a tree. I was wondering what mother would say. Second thrashing of the day and this year. I decided not to tell her about this incident. Again she would scold me for not using the word ‘no’ and again I would end up saying the same thing-what I can do, I cannot say no...

After a long wait, evening came, and we were all dressed in our best attire. I chose my pink frock. It had frills at the bottom end and a pink flower on left hand side of the waist. When I entered the Hotel venue everyone said I looked pretty.  I met my best friend. Best quality about a friend is that they never ask you anything to which you would wish to say a ‘no’.

 After a while my friend wanted to go to the wash room so we went there. I waited at the lounge sitting on a sofa. One of my mother’s acquaintance came with her little daughter and asked me to take care of her for a while till she uses the wash room. As you all know by now I said “yes”. Well the baby was so cute, cuddling, beautiful, and wet? No way, that baby used my lap as her toilet seat. And just then my mother and the baby’s mother came. One apologised and went back to the venue hall and the other gave the second thrashing of the day (which could have been the third) and yes it was the thrashing of the lifetime too. I just didn't ruined my dress but the first day of the year too.

“This is heights. Why can’t you say a ‘no’? A short and simply ‘no’?”

By that time my friend came to my rescue and convinced mother that she will definitely make me say a ’no’ whenever it would suffice. Mother left the lounge a little irritated. And my friend ended up asking the same question with a naughty smile on her face-why can’t you say a ‘no’?

And I ended up giving the same old answer with immense helplessness-what can I do? I can’t say no.